Just not fair

It seems like every day there is more bad for someone I know. My friend's baby had an E. Coli infection at three weeks old and spent a week in a medical center far from home, he's home but faces 6 more weeks of antibiotics. She says it has turned into one of those mothers panicked and obsessive about everything. Then my sister's good friend had a tumor removed from her neck and they found cancerous cells, now has to have chemo and radiation--she's a mom to two kids 3 & under, the youngest being just a few months old. A friend from my old job lost his wife this week to cancer, they have two teenage/tween daughters.

Then there is the most crushing, my grandmother. Not quite two years ago she had a stroke and went from vibrant and totally self sufficient to unable to move one side and in a nursing home. Its been very hard to see her so diminished. Although she was nearly 80, she had the spunk of someone much younger. She chauffeured around her younger sister, they went to the senior center, they went on bus trips, she worked in the garden, she quilted, she maintained her home and yard with a little help from my dad and his brothers. Suddenly, overnight she could do none of it.

For the first several months there was hope she would improve but it hasn't happened. Thankfully the effects of all the medications had been dealt with and she was with us mentally. In the beginning she was telling people that she was taking trips and repeating the same stories over and over. The last few times I've seen her we had good conversations although the last time she was having some chest pain and looked really old and feeble.

This week she had a blood clot in her leg. Medication didn't help. They did surgery. Her leg swelled. They did more surgery to relieve the pressure and she was in ICU. The call came this morning that during the night things took a turn for the worse. My first thought was I. must. get. home. My mother told me to wait, she might not make it through the day. I am having a really hard time processing that. I feel the need to be there, the pull is very strong. Five hours never seemed so far away!

My sister and I talked, called my aunt and she is going to call and give us her assessment of the situation. Mom is a nurse and in situations like this it is good to have her around medically but it sucks emotionally. She is able to be totally devoid of emotion and even have a glimpse of what we might be feeling or need.