It makes me sleep, Gman, not so much

Last night I'd had enough of the tossing and turning and popped a little blue pill. I didn't warn Gman ahead of time. On the rare occasions when I just need to sleep and resort to pharmaceuticals he has been quite entertained by my nocturnal flopping about. I remember waking up sometime in the middle of the night to him petting my hair. I remember mumbling I took something, rolling over and slipping back into a fitful sleep.

This morning in our usual morning check-in call I asked how he was and he said something along the line of "hosed." Concerned, I asked if I had kept him awake. He said yes, it was me. Although I remember nothing but the aforementioned petting, apparently I was all over the bed and full of things to mumble about. So much for a drug-induced nights sleep. Perhaps I should invest more in the deep breathing and warm milk and less in the hope of sleeping like the lady in the commercial with the butterfly (or is that a moth) flying through her dreams.

Think Thin Thursday Update & Triathlon Obsessions

Yesterday was one of the first times I didn't obsess about going into my weigh-in. I was pretty sure I'd gained weight and I'd made peace with it. The nutiness in my head thanks to hormones and pre-race freakiness were all I could deal with. Really, the one other time I gained weight I lost over 5 pounds the next week. I have been seriously lax in keeping track of what I am eating on paper although the calculator in my head is pretty effective if I do say so myself. I was the first one to the scale (I'd actually left a conference call online in my office to go face the numbers). The same. Never have I been so happy to hear that. So still hanging in there at 22.6 pounds lost.

OK, my nutiness about the whole tri thing this weekend. I called my favorite acupuncturist yesterday and told him I'd worked myself into a dither and begged for a pity appointment. I must say, it worked like magic, I am pretty sure I fell asleep on the table with skillfully placed needles doing their magic.

I hadn't really slept much since Sunday obsessing over what to wear, the bike rides, all the unknowns that come with doing something for the first time and who knows what else! I am not the least worried about finishing last, I can't actually pinpoint what it is that I *am* worried about. I just know that my mind is, for the first time in a long, long time, moving at warp speed and keeping me awake. The fact that my dear friend AF also showed up this week didn't help and does help explain my slug-like feelings and desire to curl up in a ball and ignore the rest of the world.

I got a stern talking to yesterday morning by Esmerelda about needing to not go to the dark side and just treat this like any other training session. She and Mr. Don convinced me that I need to worry about myself and not my family, the kids, and all the other people who are in my head along with the race stuff.

The countdown is seriously on. By the time the weekend is over I should be an official triathlete. Breathe--in, out.

Congrats to Greeblemonkey the lucky winner of the personalized My Fruit Roll Ups. My girls were glad to pitch in and pick a number out of a hat to determine the winner. Thanks again to the Fruit Roll Up folks and Parent Bloggers Network for sponsoring this giveaway!

Simple Pleasures: The Sunday Afternoon Nap

Regular nighttime sleep has been elusive on and off for years. I've been going for acupuncture at Ling Tai acupuncture for about a year now, I am taking herbs at night, doing yoga before I go to bed and for the most part I am sleeping well at night. I have a feeling it will be even better this weekend when our new mattress arrives. Now, if I could just stop Gman from snoring...Not sleeping at night there was not even a chance of a day time nap, the sleep just wouldn't come. Enter triathlon training.

Since I started training I have been sleeping more soundly at night. Part of it is getting up early in the morning, Thursday mornings at 4:45 AM to be exactly and a few minutes after 5 on Wednesdays. But there is no time during the week to catch up on sleep. Its up early, work all day and then run to activities in the evenings.

On Sunday morning, one of the days I used to sleep in its a bit after 6 when I have to be up and out for a 2 hour workout. By the time we get home from church on Sunday I am spent. I really don't think I appreciated rest until I started seriously training. I am working my body hard and in return it needs some serious downtime. The past several Sundays Gman has entertained the kids for a bit and I have soaked my sore muscles in the tub and then settled down for my Sunday afternoon snooze. I always wake up feeling better (after that moment of guilt over all the things I didn't accomplish while I was sleeping). For the most part I've given up the guilt and am trying to embrace the idea that not only do I need exercise, I need rest to help rebuild the body as well. There is something decadent about sleeping in the middle of the afternoon. Its like a forbidden treat, sweeter than the nighttime slumber we all get.

Return of the Insomnia Monster

The triple threat of acupuncture, exercise and Zoloft has much improved my sleep struggles of the last year. Something though has made the last three nights awful. The first night I thought it must have been the evening exercise--how dare I try to get my run in after dinner and expect the sleep four hours later! The next night I thought, I guess that's what happens when you don't exercise at all (that and when your husband snores like there is no tomorrow). Last night I watched (bad) baseball, baked my cakes for the neighborhood bake sale, took a bath with lavendar and crawled into my bed barely able to keep my eyes open. I couldn't get comfortable. I felt a little nauseous. I tried the bath and book thing again. Then Gman's work phone went off. I couldn't find the right combination of covers-too hot, too cold, too hot, too cold over and over and over. Eventually the phone rang again and Gman got up, dressed and went to work (I think, at least the getting dressed part is true). Sometime later he came in and told me he'd take care of the girls this morning, bless him.

The only thing I can figure is the dread I am feeling about this weekend is keeping me up--my parents visiting, soccer double header, unloading a semi trailer full of girl scout cookies, sorting said cookies, bake sale, refreshments for church. Feels like an extension of the week, not a break from it. And yippee for me, today I get to go to my gyno to see what the heck is going on with my lady garden. I had an ultrasound 2.5 weeks ago (and no, I am certainly NOT pregnant!) and have called for results FOUR times and no one has returned my calls. I keep telling myself that if there was anything wrong I'd have heard about it.

Sleep, where are you when I need you?

What happened to my stomach of steel?

Blech. That pretty much describes how I feel. I've been so good about working out. Yesterday morning I just couldn't pull myself out of the bed at 5:15 to go swim. My schedule yesterday was light on meetings so I went at lunch time, first few laps fine. Then the nausea hit me. I managed a few more laps on my back. Every time I thought about swimming freestyle again my stomach answered "do it and I'll revolt." I managed to drag myself out of the pool and stumble back to the locker room. Back at my desk I carefully picked things I thought would stop the madness. It worked reasonably well--until the gas came. I don't know what fired me up but the power of the explosions coming out of my backside are like none I've encountered before. I actually blew so much air in the tub it splashed water out--something I'd expect only from Gman (who, is experiencing technical difficulties with his host, he has not disappeared off the face of the earth).

Off to try the magic of acupuncture this morning and see if it can help right my system. Otherwise I might need to avoid others until is passes (no pun intended!).

School Daze

I said I wanted this weekend to be laid back. I wanted to get everything that needed done for back to school done, I wanted to sleep and relax. What do you think the chances are that happened? If you guessed between slim and none, you win!

Friday afternoon was PDQs end of skating camp show. Boobah was a complete PITA, running all over the place, I finally got her to sit still and was watching PDQ skate when the woman 3 rows down tells me that PDQ is kicking her repeatedly. I put PDQ on my lap and the woman says she was fine--obviously not if you had to tell me about her 30 seconds ago. I left wanting nothing more than to climb into the cave and climb out on Monday morning.

Friday night Esmerelda hosted her second annual back to school BBQ and backyard sleep out. I have to admit that by the time 5PM on Friday rolled around it was really the last thing I wanted to do. I knew once I got there it would be fun and it was. I definitely perked up with the good food and good friends. The acupuncture must be doing something because I even tolerated the difficult people rather easily (not always something I do well--or at all!). It wasn't a particularly restful night, we got up, had fabulous pancakes and bacon, cleaned up and came home.

Gman worked on Saturday so I mowed the lawn--yes, I did man chores! It was really hot but I enjoy doing it every once in awhile, especially since I only did the mowing, no trimming or weed whacking (I am such an uncoordinated wuss I can't get the weed thing started). I did laundry and tried to take a nap. Soon enough it was time to head to our last trip to the community outdoor pool. Then dinner with Es and the boys to help eat up the leftovers. Then I ran off to stamp camp. Somewhere in there I realized I hadn't been to the grocery store and school started today--I knew that yesterday at the mega mart would be something I couldn't. So at 11PM on Saturday night I did the grocery shopping. Other than many half empty shelves it was far more pleasant than any other time I've been in there. So after the activity all day I should have been able to sleep--right? WRONG. It was 3 attempts and 4:30 AM before I finally managed to doze off into dreamland. Needless to say getting out of bed yesterday was a chore.

Sunday morning it was church with a great substitute pastor. Then home to get ready for the afternoon activities--pool and birthday parties! They were both fun but I was dragging, big time. We got to spend time with our former neighbors who have spent the last year in England while she works on a degree in Victorian Literature. It was nice to catch up with them.

By the time we got home I was toast. Gman, thankfully, went running to get chicken wire to finish the trellis for my fall pea crop. I spent time in the basement trying to find a crib sheet for Boobah to take to school for her cot. I also had to sharpen a dozen pencils, find a picture of our whole family and put it in a frame, get a decent picture of Boobah for a school project and make sure everyone's bags and lunches were packed for this morning. I went to bed exhausted and thankfully slept.

Check out Gman's pictures of the first day of school here.

Ah, Sleep

Last night I was worried I wouldn't sleep-AGAIN. I got in bed, Gman was quiet, I tossed and turned trying to get comfortable. Tossed and turned some more. Fell asleep. Woke up this morning when Gman's alarm went off. Wow, I slept through the night! Although I've been sleeping better, sleeping through the night unmedicated is pretty much unheard of. Of course it wasn't nearly enough sleep but it was wonderful and unbroken. Let's hope tonight is a repeat!

Insomnia Returns

Aghhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I thought vacation was for relaxing and part of relaxing is sleeping. I forgot, I don't sleep well in someone else's bed. Even when Gman relocates to give us both some peace, quiet and room to stretch out. Every night I was up every couple of hours despite my usual herbal sleep cocktail. My two year old nephew was up bright and early every morning running laps around the house. This picture pretty much tells the story, he is a constant motion machine. Restrain him and its not pretty. (Gman's pictures of the trip are here.)

We came home and I was sure that the insomnia would clear once I was happily ensconced in my own bed with clean, fresh sheets. No dice! In fact, it was worse than ever. Saturday night I was up and down several times, finally resorting to bad TV in the family room. The last time I remember seeing the clock before finally sinking into a fitful sleep--4:00AM. We accidentally slept until 9:25 yesterday morning and did the major boogie to get to church by 10. After the week and Saturday night I was sure last night would be the night. Nope. I was a serious fish, flopping all over the bed so I went to the couch to give Gman a break. I eventually returned around 2AM. Still flopping around. Finally I got comfortable and slept sometime between 2-3 AM. I took today off as vacation recovery but the girls were up fighting over something early this morning so no sleeping in. I'm off to see if acupuncture can get me back on the right track. Please?

Feelin' like a million bucks

I have been totally unmotivated this week, tired, still a bit of a lingering cough and just kind of blah. Last night I went for my every other week acupuncture tune-up and it was amazing. I felt better last evening and this morning it wasn't such an effort to get out of bed (and its not because I got any extra sleep). I started off warm, not even really knowing it, by the end of the session I was much cooler and the acupuncturist had worked up a sweat. Seeing that exchange of energy was pretty amazing. It took awhile in the beginning to see results beyond the relaxing hour and a half with someone tending to me (just me). Now that I've been going regularly it is amazing to see the changes that can happen in that short period of time.

Overall I just feel better. I am sleeping better which was my whole goal when I started. I was a bit discouraged when things didn't start to change immediately but was reminded its a journey. Now that I have been going regularly for several months I can see the journey and all its benefits. I am generally calmer and things don't get to me like they used to--my boss has noticed and so has my husband. I feel more in control of my emotions too. Maybe NOW I can get back on the road to MILF-dom after this little side journey to get the rest of my life in order. Seeing the connections is really quite amazing.

If you've ever thought of trying acupuncture I encourage you to take the plunge. Really there is nothing to lose, there has never been more than a slight twinge of pain and that has been rare. Concentrating on your own well being is amazingly restorative. I know this probably sounds a bit like a testimonial and in a way it is. Go, do something good for yourself.

The holy grail, a good night's sleep

As I have written on many occasions, like here and here and here I have been fighting serious insomnia demons for awhile now...like since I was pregnant with my almost 4 year old. The last year and a half has been the worst. I thought that having my gallbladder out and stopping the pain was going to be the magic bullet. Then I hoped it might be a book on sleep, acupuncture, Ambien, herbs or eliminating EMF pollution. The Ambien helped me sleep at night but unfortunately made me feel stupid half the next day as well. The acupuncture has had some effect as did the herbs, I think that the combination has helped me leave work and finances and stupid people where they belong--out of my head and bed at night. What they couldn't quite help me overcome were my hormones. I didn't sleep at all when I was pregnant with Boobah, during the middle trimester my OB told me it was hormonal insomnia and unfortunately by the time it cleared I'd be too uncomfortable to sleep--and he was right!

So, I went back to said OB/gyn last week. After his exam upstairs and down I told him of my long, sad tale of sleepless nights. I told him how I wasn't sleeping at ALL the days before AF shows up. And the combination of no sleep and hormones was making me a no good, very bad, not nice person. I felt totally out of control, unable to hold my temper and just plain mean. We discussed the benefits of exercise (which I assured him I knew and was trying to practice), the possibility of a sleeping pill (again, tried) and finally the possibility of using a SSRI during part of my cycle. He told me it sounded like I was obviously pretty sensitive to the hormones, severe PMS or what they are calling PMDD these days and gave me an Rx to try. He told me how to adjust the dose if I was getting some relief but not enough, discussed the advantages of taking it everyday vs. taking it the last half of my cycle and out I walked with an anti-depressant.

Being 5 days before the arrival of Aunt Flo I went ahead and took the plunge. That night I slept reasonably well--along with the next four. Five nights of sleep in a row, including the dreaded two days before she arrived, which journaling my sleep has shown NEVER happens, not even close. I am amazed, I feel like a new person, no screaming, no crying, and no desire to shut the rest of the world and my family out. I only hope that this is the beginning of a long string of rest filled nights and not just the placebo effect of trying something new. So far, two nights without the meds and I am still sleeping. I am half holding my breath, expecting something to get in the way of my sleep but for now I'm going to keep up the other stuff and hope that all rolled together they equal a good night's sleep for a long time to come.

For the love of books

One of the best things about vacation was having a chance to read uninterrupted. I read in the car, in bed, on the balcony looking at the beach and it was heaven. I happened to pick up In Her Shoes by Jennifer Weiner from Liz's bookshelves (thanks Liz!) and started reading it, it was great so I bought a copy at the next bookstore we came across. I can't say I remember seeing the movie come out but I have it in my Netflix queue now, I hope its not a disappointment. As soon as we got back I was hungry for more. I got Little Earthquakes at the library (actually 2 copies, leaving something else I wanted on the shelf) and I finished it last night. What a great story, great characters, it brought back the new mom memories in such vivid detail it had in me tears more than once. Definitely summer reading chick lit.

Lean Mean Thirteen the next numbered Stephanie Plum book is out and I am on the waiting list at the library. I have a couple more Jennifer Weiner books to read and I am waiting for Animal, Vegetable, Mineral that Tree turned me onto as well. Of course I have to find the time to read them but I always have at least one book going, I like to relax in the bath tub at night with my book and a little lavender oil as part of my night time, beat insomnia routine. I am always fighting the desire to read rather than sleep--I know that is bad and have been trying REALLY hard not to do it.

Anyone else feel like something is missing without a book in progress and one waiting in the wings? I'd say it is the biggest difference between Gman and I, reading for pleasure is pretty much a foreign concept for him. He likes listening to books on tape/CD but actually sitting down with a book just isn't his thing. It's also one of the things that I hope the kids pick up from me, I want desperately for them to be able to enjoy and lose themselves in a good book. What is on your summer reading list? Anything that you just can't wait to dig into? Happy reading!

The advantages of not sleeping

For those keeping score, I did sleep relatively well last night. I had trouble going to sleep but since I turned the lights an hour earlier than usual I got to sleep a few minutes after I'd normally turn out the lights. Boobah was up twice, thankfully Gman took care of her. As sleeping goes for me lately, it was a good night. So all should be well right?

When I'm not sleeping all I can focus on is getting the basics covered. Kids to the right places, feed kids, bathe kids, go to meetings, return important phone calls, write e-mails, and pray that nothing drops. When I acutally have some energy and the fog has lifted to engage the critical thinking skills the world changes. The political games that are work are back in full swing. One VIP told me I was doing a great job and that my name had been mentioned for bigger, better things. I was in a no sleep daze and didn't think much of it. Yesterday I get told that another VIP thinks he needs to bring in a penis to be the leader on a project that I've already done the spec work on and am ready to move forward on. He is a BS'er, he has ideas and gets other people to help him get them done if anything gets done at all. He's a nice guy and does valuable stuff but this is not it. What is it that I lack that he has? Why is it so highly valued and why doesn't the VIP into whom my group reports want to grow it her own people?

Some days its just easier to be in a sleepless haze and concentrate on the big stuff. The small stuff will drive you crazy if you let it.

Dipping into the herbal pond in search of sleep

As I am sure you read yesterday I hardly slept at all Monday night. It was miserable. Yesterday morning Mr. D my acupuncturist helped me get control of my yang energy and sent me on the way with instructions to apply pressure to a point on my head several times during the day and report back on how I slept last night. When I got to work my friend who has been taking an herbal medicine course forwarded me this newsletter on sleeping well. She also forwarded her recommendations on herbs I could take that might make me sleep better. Really, at this point in time I’ll try damned near anything to get a good nights sleep.

I headed off to the natural foods store in search of the herbs she had suggested—one for sleep and one for the eczema that has had me itching for months. Total strike out at that store but I did score Gman his favorite spring rolls, spicy pumpkin seeds, tamari roasted almonds, lavender essential oil and arnica cream. The fact that I know that those things exist and what they are used for caused me a bit of a smile. Oh how granola crunchy this redneck has become. In the meantime I had Gman at home removing the wireless phone and other electrical cords (like the newsletter said) from around our bed to eliminate the EMF pollution (something I had no idea existed two days ago) that might could possibly having an impact on my sleep. Side note: I get the Mother of the Year nomination for yesterday when I sent Boobah to preschool and afternoon enrichment only to get a call that enrichment ended last week, could I please come get her. Thanks to Gman for retrieving her and hanging with her yesterday afternoon making my bedroom more pure from an electronic point of view.

I did manage to find my herbal extract last night. Ashwagandha is supposed to support my adrenals and control stress—who me? I bought the big bottle since it was the only thing they had and bravely dropped it into my water along with the Burdock root to work on my skin. The results were slight brown tinged water—mmmmmm, yummy. The taste, really weak tea, not sure I could handle less than the 20 oz of water I put my 2 ml of extract into. I did manage to get it down without any gagging. I plowed through 12 meals at Let’s Dish to fill up my freezer and eliminate another source of my stress.

Okay, finally I was done for the day, time to go home and see if the alternative approach would get me the sleep I desperately needed. Acupuncture, herbs, a bath with lavender oil and an EMF-free sleeping zone were my hopes for a peaceful night. I lay down, got reasonably comfortable and didn’t fall asleep right away. Even though I didn’t nod off immediately I was calm, no obsessing about my mental or physical health. Eventually I fell asleep hard. I did wake up a couple of times during the night to go to the bathroom (getting rid of the 90 oz a day I’ve been trying to get down) but I was strangely serene plodding to do my business and go back to bed. It didn’t take much more than putting my head down to get to sleep. My pessimistic side says that I would have slept reasonably well last night no matter what else I’d done from pure exhaustion. But even exhausted I don’t usually feel that kind of calm, I am usually making mental notes of something in the middle of the night. So I call it a win. Not nearly as much sleep as I need but WAY more than I’ve been getting. I will repeat the process tonight, keep everything crossed for me—please. We are heading to visit my family for the weekend which is generally a sleep-free experience for me so it would be nice to go into it well rested.

Ah, Spontaneity

We had nothing on the plate at home last night so I called Gman yesterday morning and asked if he wanted to surprise the kids with a trip to see Shrek the Third right after work. We rarely go to the movies. I have a hard time sitting still for that long, as does Boobah. I enjoyed sitting in the dark hanging out with the family, Boobah only asked to go to the bathroom once, and since the theater was nearly empty I let her sit in the row in front of us. She got up and danced around a few times but wasn't bothering anyone so it was fine. All in all a good trip to the movies and a nice weeknight distraction.

We went to Bertucci's for dinner afterwards, usually a good quick dinner option. Not last night. The service was slooooooooooow. I finally left with the girls and Gman stayed behind to deal with the check. Boobah, who generally eats mac & cheese in any carnation wouldn't touch the cold congealed stuff they served her and I don't blame her. The two dinner rolls and half a shaker full of parmesan later she did seem to be pretty happy with life though. I really wanted seafood but since my shrimp scare I've been avoiding it like the plague. We'll be exploring that little issue with the allergist next month, I can hardly wait. Gman finally came home, the kids went to be bed and I continued my search for black capri pants.

I ventured to the mall yesterday at lunch and visited Macy's and JCPenney--no dice. There was one pair that might have passed but of course, none in my size. I might be desperate enough to order them though. Last night I continued the adventure at Kohl's, even worse. They were all wholly unflattering--a bad length that make my legs look stumpy, rolled up, big side pockets to emphasize the saddle bags, where did the "normal" ones go?! Again maybe one passable pair but not in my size. Finally I ventured to Target. Once I got there I couldn't even muster up the energy to try on the meager offerings so I just loaded up on moisturizer for various body parts and headed home. Final score Pants: 17 Me: 0.

I don't know if it was the shopping trauma or what but I sleep pretty much not at all last night. Even worse than my usual. I made cards from 1-2:30 this morning, took a bath until 3 and then finally went to bed and obsessed about whether I could be depressed, bi-polar, or have some horrible disease at the root of my sleeplessness instead of it being the problem making me crazy, and believe me, it is!

Oh yeah, as if I needed a new vice, one found me. Go over to Maven Says and check out my report on the new Philadelphia Cream Cheese brand ready to go cheesecake filling. Oh. My. Goodness. Not something I can be trusted to have in the house ever again.